Should parents panic when they make a discovery?
No, parents should not panic when they make a discovery. The first impulse is understandable, but panic and accusations often cause the child to close up before it is even clear what is going on. The BIÖG advises parents to stay calm, take a clear stance and seek an open conversation when they find items related to cannabis use. Anyone who first calmly reflects on their own behaviour enters the conversation better prepared. This article shows how to proceed after a discovery without spoiling the conversation with your child.
Classify first, then act
Before you seek the conversation, get a clear overview. What exactly did you find? When was that, and who could have played a role? Record observations and separate them from assumptions. That way you enter the conversation on a calm footing. An accusation is not needed for that.
If you are unsure whether this was a one-off, watch for changes over the next few days. The article How can parents tell that their child is using cannabis? describes typical signs without rushing to judgement.
Why calm works in conversation
A conversation that starts with accusations often ends quickly. Your child defends themselves, falls silent or lies, because they feel under pressure. Anyone who first asks what happened usually gets more information. Calm does not mean you approve of use. The BIÖG recommends describing your own feelings without accusations or insults, for example anger, disappointment and worry. If you can no longer control yourself, leave the room and carry on the conversation later.
The BIÖG advises choosing a good time and a pleasant setting, avoiding moments in passing or times when the atmosphere is already tense. Teens are curious and test boundaries, and it often stays at trying things out. Even so, you should take the matter seriously.
What the BIÖG recommends to parents
The BIÖG page for parents poses several questions to you. It recommends reflecting on your own behaviour beforehand, in peace. It also offers arguments for why cannabis is particularly dangerous for teenagers. In an argument, the aim is to stay calm. These points can be transferred well into a conversation.
The page also names practical tips on signs of use. Anyone who knows the signs can base the conversation on facts that can be checked. An overview is given in the article How do parents raise the topic of cannabis properly?
Facts and clear words
Parents gain credibility when they name facts and do not paint frightening pictures. The BIÖG page stresses that cannabis has very different effects, depending on dose and form of use. The young brain is considered to be still developing, and use can influence that development. These statements are factual and more persuasive than threats.
The article Which facts should parents know? summarises the most important points.
What does not help in conversation
- Loud scolding before you have listened.
- Playing things down because you have experience yourself or want to make the matter seem small.
- Dramatising by presenting every small thing as a catastrophe.
- Control without conversation, such as searching the room without talking to your child.
Anyone who wavers between playing down and dramatising quickly loses credibility. The article How do you avoid playing down or dramatising cannabis? shows the middle course.
If you want help for yourself
You do not have to process the discovery alone. The Elterntelefon of Nummer gegen Kummer can be reached on 0800 111 0 550. The advice is anonymous and free of charge, and according to its own information, the parent phone line also advises on addiction and parenting problems. The Sucht & Drogen Hotline on 01806 313031 and local counselling services can also help you sort out the situation. The article Where can parents get advice on cannabis? lists further services.
When to act more quickly
If your child shows breathing problems, unconsciousness or confusion, call emergency number 112 straight away. Even if your child has clearly taken drugs and is unresponsive, calling the emergency number is the right step. The conversation can wait then. The article When should parents get help immediately? describes this threshold in more detail.
Shared rules in the household
After the conversation, clear agreements help. Which rules apply at home, and how do you deal with use? Rules you work out together are more likely to be kept than bans that come from above. The article Which rules make sense for families with cannabis? shows examples.
When your child denies use
Some teens deny use even though the find is clear. Often fear of consequences lies behind this. Stay factual, name the find and your worry, and avoid interrogations. An argument over whether it is true rarely achieves anything. More important is that your child sees that you want to help and are not out to punish them.
If the pattern repeats, talk the situation through with a counselling service. The article How should parents respond to lies about cannabis use? shows how to deal with this.
What you can do now
- Take a breath and get an overview of the discovery.
- Find a calm moment for the conversation and start with questions.
- Name the facts, avoid accusations and make clear that your home is a cannabis-free zone.
- Use the Elterntelefon if you need support yourself.
If there is an acute danger, call emergency number 112.
Frequently asked questions
What should parents do if they find cannabis on their child?
Stay calm at first and get an overview of the discovery. Then look for a calm moment for a conversation, ask what happened and avoid accusations. Name facts and avoid both playing things down and dramatising. The Elterntelefon of Nummer gegen Kummer on 0800 111 0 550 offers support if you need help yourself.