What should parents do first if they suspect cannabis use?

If you suspect cannabis use by your child, the first step is to order your observations and then seek a calm conversation. A suspicion proves nothing yet, so a factual view helps more than panic. After that you can plan how to proceed and get support if you need it.

Step 1: observe, do not interpret

First write down what concretely strikes you. This includes changes in behaviour, sleep, grades, circle of friends or mood. Note how long these changes have existed. Avoid interpretations such as “My child is a drug case”, because they do not help the conversation.

Such changes have many causes, for example stress at school, unrequited love or problems in the family. Cannabis is one possible explanation among several. Keep this breadth in mind.

Step 2: clarify your own situation

Before you have the conversation, ask yourself how you are feeling. If you are angry, desperate or very tense, postpone the conversation by a day. A calm moment prevents accusations from overshadowing the topic.

It also helps to consider what you want from the conversation. Do you want to understand what is going on, or do you want to enforce a decision? The two can be combined, but the order matters. The BIÖG also advises keeping calm, taking a clear stance and describing your own feelings without accusations.

Step 3: prepare the conversation

Choose a place where you can be undisturbed, and a time without time pressure. Tell your child what it is about, without accusing it in advance. A sentence such as “Something has struck me, and I would like to talk to you about it” opens the door.

• Start with your observations, not with your judgement.
• Ask open questions and listen, even when it becomes uncomfortable.
• Do without interrogations and without searching bags.
• Agree on a second conversation if time runs out.

Step 4: watch for signs that really count

Some signs are more serious than others. According to the BIÖG, these include mood swings and emotional fluctuations, withdrawal, changes in the circle of friends, suddenly worse performance at school or in training, and giving up hobbies.

If you notice such signs, it makes sense to contact a counselling service or a doctor promptly. Do not wait until the situation gets worse.

Step 5: get support early

You do not have to decide alone how to proceed. An addiction counselling centre helps you classify the situation, and it can support you in preparing the conversation. Parents on their own can also seek counselling, for example online through DigiSucht, which by its own account offers free counselling for parents, anonymously on request. An overview of contact points is in the article Where do parents get counselling on cannabis?.

A look at the BIÖG information for parents can also help you understand terms and connections before you speak with your child.

What you should avoid

• Making unfounded accusations to the child, or transferring other people's experiences onto it.
• Reading messages secretly without having sought a conversation first.
• Taking decisions that you cannot explain to the child.
• Discussing the suspicion with other parents or in chat groups before you have spoken with your child.

Prevention: good habits in everyday life

Those who regularly talk with their child about daily life, school and friends notice changes sooner. This also applies to the topic of cannabis. Knowledge protects too. The young brain is in an important stage of development, and cannabis can impair memory performance. A summary is provided in the article Does cannabis harm the young brain?.

Precaution also means showing the child that it can talk to you about mistakes. This trust is often more important than any single rule.

If you are unsure whether there is use

Not every change means cannabis use. Puberty, unrequited love or school stress can cause similar signs. For that reason it helps to observe changes over a longer period and to avoid drawing conclusions from a single incident. The article How do you tell puberty apart from cannabis problems? helps with this classification.

Agreeing with your partner

When two adults share responsibility, a shared line helps. Agree in advance how you will react, who leads the conversation and which rules apply. Contradictory reactions confuse young people and invite them to play one parent off against the other. A short agreement before the conversation is often enough.

What you can do in the first weeks

In the first weeks the aim is above all to create calm and collect information. Keep a short record of conspicuous things, stay in contact with the child, and ask a counselling service for an initial appointment. Do not set a fixed date for the big talk if you are not ready yet. What matters is that you remain able to act.

Next steps

• Write down your observations and mark what worries you most.
• Plan a calm conversation with your child.
• Call a counselling centre if you are unsure.

For the conversation itself, How do parents raise the topic of cannabis properly? helps. What to do if you actually find something is explained in What to do if you find cannabis with your child?.