How can parents tell that their child is using cannabis?

Signs that a child is using cannabis usually show up as a pattern over several weeks and rarely all at once. A single sign proves nothing. A suddenly worse grade, a new circle of friends or tiredness can have many causes, and puberty changes young people a great deal anyway.

This article shows which changes parents can watch for, how to classify them and which first steps make sense. It can help to check the suspicion objectively, though it cannot replace a diagnosis.

Physical changes

Some changes show on the body. As short-term signs, the BIÖG lists among others a particular smell of smoke, sometimes described as sweetish, drowsiness and slow reactions, red or swollen eyes, dry mouth, increased appetite, conspicuous talkativeness or silence, excessive silliness, and reduced concentration and memory problems.

These signs are short-term signs and, on their own, non-specific. Tiredness, red eyes or more appetite have many causes. If complaints occur more often, take them seriously and have them checked by a doctor.

Changes at school and in training

A visible sign is often performance. If grades, homework or training reports decline, a closer look is worthwhile. This applies especially when the decline extends over several months and the child cannot explain the loss.

• Does it miss appointments, deadlines or lessons more often than before?
• Does it seem indifferent to things that used to matter to it?
• Are there new conflicts with teachers or trainers?

Questions like these help to recognise the pattern. More on distinguishing this from puberty is in the article How do you tell puberty apart from cannabis problems?.

Friendships and behaviour

If the circle of friends suddenly changes, it is worth a look. New friends are not automatically a problem. It becomes conspicuous when the child avoids familiar friends, speaks secretively about meetings or needs excuses for evenings.

Behaviour in everyday life also reveals a lot. Withdrawal to the bedroom, fading hobbies or frequent lies about small things are signs that can be linked to use. They do not have to be. That is precisely why a conversation is better than any conclusion.

Mood and feelings

The BIÖG counts mood swings, withdrawal, listlessness and giving up interests among the typical signs of addiction. At the same time, many young people without any use experience them too. What matters is whether the mood has changed over a longer period and whether the child feels burdened by it itself.

If anxiety, delusions or severe confusion occur, immediate medical help is needed. An emergency call is then appropriate; in case of danger to life and limb, dial 112.

What signs do not prove

A suspicion proves nothing. Many of the signs mentioned also occur with stress, unrequited love, lack of sleep or psychological strain. Anyone who judges too quickly risks the child's trust.

Parents can check their suspicion by observing, collecting facts and speaking to the child directly. A list of observations over one to two weeks helps to see the picture objectively. An accusation is not needed for this.

First steps if you suspect something

If you have a suspicion, start with a calm conversation. Show interest and ask questions, without interrogating the child. If you find something, stay factual. The notes on how to handle a find are in the article What to do if you find cannabis with your child?.

It also helps to discuss the suspicion with a specialist. The BIÖG prevention service provides information for parents, which you can find at cannabispraevention.de.

Recording and organising observations

A suspicion can feel bigger than it is. It helps to write observations down. Note date, time and the concrete situation, for example “Wednesday after school, slept until the evening”. That way you recognise patterns and can talk about them objectively later.

Also write down what you have noticed that is good. Changes often come with strengths, and a balanced picture helps not to see the child only as a problem. You can take this list to a conversation with a counselling service or doctor.

Why a ban alone rarely suffices

Many parents react to a suspicion with bans and checks. The BIÖG advises keeping calm, taking a clear stance and describing your own feelings without accusations. According to the BIÖG, physical violence and threats strain the relationship and make the situation worse. The most important thing is to stay in conversation.

According to the BIÖG, rules and consequences are important, for example the clear statement that the home is a cannabis-free zone. What matters is that they are explained and carried together. You can read more in the article Which rules make sense for families with cannabis?.

When you should act immediately

In cases of confusion, severe anxiety, hallucinations or self-endangerment, immediate help is needed. Then dial the emergency number 112. A visit to the family doctor is also a good first step, because the complaints can be checked medically there.

If you are worried that your child is harming itself or is being troubled by thoughts, seek support promptly and do not wait for the situation to settle on its own. A child and adolescent psychiatric service or a counselling centre can assess the situation.

Looking after yourself

A suspicion weighs heavily. Many parents sleep worse, brood or react irritably when they notice changes. That is understandable, and it helps the child little if worry overshadows everything. So set fixed times in which you think about it, and let your partner or friends back you up.

Exchanging views with other parents can also relieve pressure. Many families know similar situations, and an open conversation takes away the pressure of having to find a solution alone. A counselling service can arrange individual talks or offers for relatives.

How conversations with other parents help

Exchanging views with other parents can show that changes in adolescence are common. Anyone who describes their worries objectively often learns which questions others have asked and which steps have proved useful. An exchange like this is no substitute for counselling. It does relieve pressure.

Calm, but attentive

Calm and attentiveness go together. Anyone who observes calmly can classify changes better and acts thoughtfully when it becomes necessary.

Where to get counselling

A parenting or addiction counselling service can relieve parents in this situation. There you can clarify how to lead the conversation and which boundaries make sense in the family. An overview of contact points is provided by the article Where do parents get counselling on cannabis?.