What should you do if you find cannabis with your child?

If you find cannabis with your child, first stay calm and talk with your child about what you saw. Then plan the next steps before you set any consequences. Anyone who acts first and thinks later risks the trust that help depends on. A considered approach protects your child and your relationship with them.

Calm down first, then act

Finding cannabis triggers fear, anger and disappointment in many parents. These feelings are understandable, but they are poor advisers for the first conversation. Give yourself time before you raise the subject. A walk or a talk with a trusted person can help you look at the situation soberly.

Before the conversation, think about which questions matter to you. Note what you found, where it was and what else has stood out to you in recent weeks. This keeps you factual and avoids accusations that could later prove wrong.

Having the conversation with your child

Choose a calm moment when you both have time, away from any argument. Start with an open question, for example what your child has to say about the find. Listen before you evaluate. If your child says that friends use cannabis, ask how your child feels about that.

• State clearly what you found and that you are worried.
• Ask questions that invite your child to talk, and avoid interrogation.
• Avoid threats you cannot carry out.
• Agree on a second appointment if the conversation does not come to an end.

A conversation does not have to settle everything in one evening. What matters is that your child notices they can talk to you, even if they have made mistakes.

What you should know about the law

Possession of cannabis is only permitted from the age of 18 under the Cannabis Act (KCanG). From that age, possession of 25 grams or less is permitted, and at the place of residence, 50 grams or less is permitted. According to the BIÖG, possession, acquisition and cultivation of cannabis are prohibited for people under 18. Using cannabis in the immediate presence of minors is prohibited under section 5 KCanG.

Anyone who passes cannabis on to a child or teenager is committing a criminal offence under section 34(1), no. 7 KCanG. For the basic offence, the law provides for imprisonment of up to three years or a fine. For a person over 21, a particularly serious case generally applies, with imprisonment from three months to five years (section 34(3) KCanG). According to the Cannabisprävention des Bundes, young people from the age of 14, who are criminally responsible, can also be held liable for offences that are prohibited for adults too. That is a reason to think about where the cannabis came from, without interrogating the child.

Consequences and limits

The BIÖG considers consequences important and appropriate. Physical violence and threats, however, strain the relationship and make the situation worse. The most important thing is to stay in conversation.

The BIÖG advises making clear that the home is a cannabis-free zone. As a consequence, you can, for example, reduce pocket money if your child uses it to buy cannabis products, or rethink freedoms. Reward positive changes in behaviour and highlight them. Explain and justify every rule.

When you need support

If you are unsure how your child is doing, seek advice early. Parents can also get advice on their own, for example through the Elterntelefon of Nummer gegen Kummer (0800 111 0 550) or online through DigiSucht. Doctors can classify signs and help with physical or mental complaints. An overview of contact points for parents is given in the article Where can parents get advice about cannabis?.

If you experience violence, threats or an acute crisis, call the emergency number. This applies regardless of the topic of cannabis.

What to avoid

• Searching your child's room without agreement and thereby losing trust.
• Exposing your child in front of others or involving friends without talking first.
• Making threats of your own that you cannot keep later.

If you are unsure whether a step is right, ask an advice service first. Children quickly notice when a decision has come from panic.

Prevention: keeping the topic in everyday life

The best precaution is a family climate in which children talk about problems. Parents who regularly ask how things are going at school or with friends notice changes sooner. Knowledge about the effects of cannabis also helps. The adolescent brain is in an important phase of development, and use can influence that development. An overview is given in the article Does cannabis harm the young brain?.

Typical reactions from teenagers

Some teens initially react to the find with defensiveness. They say it was just a one-off, or they accuse you of meddling. It is often a typical reaction and is not necessarily aimed at you. Stay calm during this phase and explain why you are worried.

Some children are relieved when the topic is finally out in the open. Others fall silent and withdraw. You can also address silence by saying that you are ready to talk when your child is ready.

What to do if the conversation escalates

Sometimes a conversation ends in an argument. Then it is important to leave the situation before words become hurtful. Agree on a new appointment and name what matters to you. Stopping is not a failure as long as contact is maintained.

If your child is putting themselves at risk or you experience violence, call the emergency number straight away and bring yourself and your child to safety.

Next steps

• Talk about the find first and listen.
• Agree on a second appointment if the conversation remains open.
• Get advice from a counselling service if you are unsure.

What you should do first is explained in What should parents do first if they suspect cannabis use?. The youth protection section summarises the rules for protecting minors.