What can I do if my adult child uses cannabis?

If your adult child uses cannabis, you cannot force them to stop. You can, however, seek a conversation, set your own boundaries for your home and get counselling for yourself. The decision about use lies with your child, because they are an adult. There are counselling services for parents and other relatives who know exactly this situation.

Your child is an adult, and the decision is theirs

From the age of 18, possessing a limited quantity of cannabis for personal use is permitted under section 3(1) of the Cannabis Act (KCanG). An adult's use is therefore a personal decision that you cannot make on their behalf. This can be frustrating, especially if you are worried about your child's health or future.

It helps to name exactly what bothers you. Is it the amount, the mood, school or work, money or health? The clearer you are about this, the easier it is to find suitable steps.

What you can set in your own home

Your home is your own space. There you can set rules that apply to everyone who lives with you or visits. Rules work best when they are calm, specific and agreed in advance. For example:

• No use in shared rooms such as the kitchen, living room or bathroom.
• No use in the immediate presence of minors. This is prohibited under section 5 KCanG.
• No passing on of cannabis to minors in the household.
• Plan important conversations for a time when you are both sober and have time.

Rules describe how you live together. They also help you stay true to yourself when the situation is tense.

Starting the conversation without an immediate argument

Many conversations fail because they begin with a judgement. A sentence that describes what you observe and says what concerns you helps. For example: “I am worried because you have been sleeping less lately and withdrawing more often.” This form invites a response without pushing your child into defence.

Choose a moment when you are both sober and have time. Speak briefly and allow pauses. If your child shuts you down, you do not have to continue. A second attempt the next day is often more productive than a long argument in the evening.

Warning signs you should take seriously

According to DigiSucht, most people stick to trying it or stop on their own after a while. Occasional use is therefore not automatically a problem. DigiSucht lists questions that can show whether use is problematic. Pay particular attention to these signs:

• Your child talks about a strong urge to use or cannot manage to limit their use
• Use has increased recently
• Other things are neglected in favour of use, such as school, studies or work
• There are problems with close people, or missed appointments
• Your child carries on using as before, even though the use already has negative consequences

From the outside, you often cannot say with certainty whether a sign is due to cannabis. Withdrawal, mood swings or money problems also have many causes. It is better to ask before you assume something.

If your child speaks of suicidal thoughts or puts themselves at risk, act immediately. In an acute crisis, call the emergency number 112 or contact the Telefonseelsorge (German telephone crisis line). In such moments, do not wait for the next appointment.

Raising health risks without causing panic

Fear makes a poor way into a conversation; factual information usually works better. According to the BIÖG, roughly one in eight people who use cannabis become dependent. The risk rises when someone uses once or several times a week. The BIÖG also describes a link between cannabis and an increase in psychoses. A statistical link says nothing about whether cannabis was the cause in an individual person.

Talk with your child about what they already know and what interests them. People who feel taken seriously are more likely to listen than people who are shown only frightening pictures.

What is better left undone

Some reactions make it harder to get into a conversation. These include threats you do not intend to carry out, searching rooms or belongings in secret, and reproaches in front of others.

• Threats you do not intend to carry out
• Searching the room or belongings in secret
• Reproaches in front of friends or relatives
• Comparisons with siblings or other children

Where you can get help yourself

You do not have to prove anything to your child before you seek counselling. Relatives have their own questions and their own burdens, and there are offers for them. This overview shows where you can start:

Offer	What for	Where
Online counselling for relatives	First questions, relief, orientation	DigiSucht, suchtberatung.digital
Addiction counselling service on site	Personal conversation, family conversations	DHS addiction help directory
Information for parents	Facts about cannabis and health	BIÖG, cannabispraevention.de

You can make the first contact on your own, without your child being there. You can find the addiction counselling service near you through the DHS addiction help directory. What to expect in the first conversation is described in the article How to prepare for the first counselling conversation.

When nothing changes

Sometimes a conversation has no effect. Then it helps to set your own boundaries clearly, for example when you withdraw or whether you still discuss the subject at home at all. Counselling can help you find these boundaries and keep to them. Your child decides about their use, and you decide about your boundaries.

Common misconceptions

Around adult children and cannabis there are assumptions that come up again and again in conversations with relatives. Three of them deserve a closer look.

“It is my fault if my child uses cannabis”

Many parents feel responsible as soon as their adult child takes cannabis. You have influence on your relationship with your child, but not on every decision they make. The adult child decides their use for themselves. Counselling helps you place your role realistically.

“If I am just strict enough, it will stop”

Control does not replace a conversation. The BIÖG recommends that parents reflect on their own attitude to cannabis before a conversation and stay calm during arguments. Clear rules of your own, reliable conversations and support offers that your child can accept themselves all fit with this.

“Cannabis is harmless because it is legal”

Legal does not mean that cannabis is safe. The law regulates possession and personal use, but it says nothing about how safe use is for body and mind. The information on dependence and psychosis applies regardless of whether cannabis is legal.

What you can do now

1. Write down what specifically bothers you: behaviour, appointments, mood or money.
2. Find a calm moment and raise the subject openly.
3. Set rules for your home and share them calmly.
4. Seek counselling for yourself, even if your child does not want to come along.
5. In case of acute danger or suicidal thoughts, call the emergency number 112 immediately.

If you are unsure which form suits you, the article Online counselling or a local service: what fits? helps. You can find an overview of all offers under Help and counselling. The legal framework for young people is set out on the youth protection page.