Are there self-help groups for relatives of people with addiction?

Yes, there are self-help groups for relatives of people with addiction problems. According to the Federal Government’s Drugs Commissioner, there are around 8,700 self-help groups nationwide for people at risk of addiction, for people with addiction and for their relatives. Whether there is a group specifically for relatives of people who use cannabis can be found through a local search or by asking a counselling centre.

Where you can find groups

According to the Drugs Commissioner, addresses of self-help groups can be found through the Nationale Kontakt- und Informationsstelle zur Anregung und Unterstützung von Selbsthilfegruppen (NAKOS) and on the websites of the addiction self-help associations. The DHS addiction services directory (Suchthilfeverzeichnis) of the Deutsche Hauptstelle für Suchtfragen lists addiction support facilities. There you search by postcode or place with a radius of 2 to 100 kilometres, and you can narrow the search to offers for relatives.

If the search shows no suitable group, ask directly at an addiction counselling centre. Many centres know groups in the area and can refer you on specifically. The article How does addiction counselling help parents? gives further routes to counselling.

If you are specifically looking for an offer for parents, the overview in the article Is there self-help for parents of people with addiction? helps. It describes offers for parents separately.

What happens in a group

A self-help group lives on exchange. People in a similar situation talk about what concerns them and listen to what others have experienced. There are often fixed rules, for example that no one is judged and that what is discussed stays within the group. Such rules protect everyone involved, and you can ask about them before you go.

You do not have to share a lot from the start. Many people come first to listen. Only once you feel comfortable do you talk about your own situation. That is not wrong, and it does not mean that you are not contributing.

What to clarify before the first visit

Before you go to a group, a brief enquiry is worthwhile. Ask about the procedure and how often meetings take place. Find out whether you may simply listen the first time without having to say anything. Also ask about costs, because offers differ in this respect. Further questions are:

• Is the group open, or does it only take fixed participants?
• Who leads the group, and is that person professionally supported?
• How are the contents of conversations handled?
• Are there offers for relatives of people who use cannabis?

Note before the appointment what prompts you to attend. That makes it easier to start if you become unsure during the conversation.

Why relatives need their own support

Relatives of people with addiction problems often come under pressure themselves. They carry worries, organise everyday life and conversations, and do not always know how to react. A group offers a space where these experiences can be spoken aloud. The article Why do relatives also need their own counselling? explains why this applies to you too.

Feelings of guilt and the sense of having to control everything accompany many relatives in particular. An exchange with people in a similar situation can help you classify these feelings. You also learn which responsibility really lies with you and which does not.

Group or individual counselling: what suits you?

A group offers community and a view of other life paths. Individual counselling offers room for your very personal questions. The two can complement each other. If you do not want to talk about your own topic in a group, individual counselling often provides a better start. If you need answers quickly in individual counselling, you can learn in a group to live with open questions.

For individual counselling near you, the addiction counselling centre is the right contact. The article Where can I find an addiction counselling centre for cannabis? explains how to find one. A call to a centre that advises relatives is often the quickest route.

When a group does not suit

Not every group suits every person. If the tone does not suit you or the topics do not match your situation, try another group or switch to individual counselling. Groups are one offer among several.

For parents there are further routes that can be combined with a group. According to the Drugs Commissioner, DigiSucht is a digital, free and anonymous addiction counselling service for adults affected, relatives and parents. The parent phone line of the Nummer gegen Kummer can be reached on 0800 111 0 550. If you first want to seek orientation anonymously, the offer in the article Is there anonymous counselling for relatives? may also suit you.

Common misunderstandings

A common misunderstanding is: “If I just try hard enough, the other person’s use will change.” That is not true. You cannot control another person’s use on your own. You can, however, change how you deal with it, and that often relieves more than you might think.

A second misunderstanding is that relatives must stay silent so as not to disturb anyone. Open conversations are important. The article How do I talk to my child about cannabis? shows how you can start such conversations yourself.

Prevention and precaution in the family

According to the BIÖG, the young brain is in an important stage of development, and cannabis use can affect this development. In the worst case, a school-leaving or vocational qualification is at risk, because memory works much worse. That is why it is worth raising use early. An exchange in a group can help you prepare such conversations better.

A family that agrees on clear, shared rules creates orientation. The article Which family rules help with the topic of cannabis? describes which rules have proved helpful.

Limits of the group

If you feel heavily burdened, if sleep or everyday life suffers, or if you are afraid for someone, get individual counselling. In an acute danger, the emergency number 112 applies.

Checklist for the first visit

1. Search for a group in the DHS addiction services directory or ask at a counselling centre.
2. Clarify the procedure, frequency, costs and rules for conversations.
3. Note what prompts you to attend.
4. After two or three meetings, decide whether the group suits you.

What you can do now

• Search the DHS addiction services directory for facilities near you, and use NAKOS to find self-help groups.
• Ask an addiction counselling centre about groups for relatives if the search brings no results.
• Clarify procedure, frequency and costs before the first visit.
• Use DigiSucht or the parent phone line if you first want orientation.
• If you cannot find a group, video counselling can be an interim solution. What is needed for it is explained in the article Is there video counselling for addiction problems?