What should I do if my brother or sister uses cannabis?
If your brother or sister uses cannabis, you are often caught in the middle, without anyone calling it that. Many siblings sense worries, arguments or changes in family life, and they do not know whether they are allowed to get involved. The counselling service DigiSucht explicitly names siblings among the people who can be heavily affected by a close person's addiction. So you are not overreacting if you worry.
Why siblings are affected too
The Deutsche Hauptstelle für Suchtfragen (DHS, German Centre for Addiction Issues) describes addiction as affecting more than the person concerned. Relatives, close friends and colleagues are co-affected too. DigiSucht names siblings explicitly. Whether your sibling's cannabis use is already an addiction is not something you can judge; a specialist service clarifies that. Siblings experience the family from their own perspective. They may withdraw, take on responsibility or avoid the conflict. All of these are reactions to a stressful situation.
The DHS also names changing moods, aggression and unreliability as strains that close relatives often experience. If you feel exhausted by this, it is no sign of weakness.
What you can do if you are worried
You do not need a grand plan. A short conversation in which you say what you notice and how it affects you often helps. Avoid sentences that sound like judgement. A sentence such as "I'm worried because you're withdrawing" opens a door. An accusation tends to close it.
- Speak calmly, at a time when neither of you is stressed.
- Say what you notice, and ask how the other person sees it.
- Set your own limits, for example if you do not want to act as an excuse or a go-between.
- Accept that the change has to come from the person concerned.
The article How do I talk to my child about cannabis? contains thoughts on the conversation that can also be applied between siblings.
Involving parents without losing yourself
You do not have to decide alone what happens in the family. If the parents are informed, they can share in decisions. At the same time, you are not obliged to take on the role of go-between. If that becomes too much, say so openly.
If you do not get through to your parents, you can still seek help for yourself. The article Why do relatives need counselling of their own? explains why that is worthwhile.
Where to find counselling of your own
Addiction counselling services also advise relatives and co-affected people. The DHS points out that open questions can be clarified there, by phone, online or in person. According to the DHS, the offer involves no obligation.
DigiSucht also offers its own pages for relatives. There you will find information on how to deal with the situation. An overview of suitable services is given in the article Where can relatives get counselling about cannabis use?
When you are struggling yourself
Sometimes counselling is not enough, for example if you notice sleep problems, anxiety or low mood yourself. Then talk to your GP practice. If you have thoughts of harming yourself, get help immediately, by calling the emergency number or going to a crisis service near you.
Prevention in the family
Open conversations help before problems grow large. Anyone who knows how cannabis can affect the brain, concentration and school can talk more objectively. The article Does cannabis harm the developing brain? offers facts, especially if younger siblings are affected.
What you can tell your parents
If you want to inform your parents, name concrete observations. For example, say when something caught your attention and how your sibling has changed. Also say what you need yourself, such as relief in everyday life or an evening without arguments. This makes it easier for parents to listen, and it protects you from being worn down between the sides.
Before the conversation, write down two sentences that describe your worry in your own words. That makes it easier to stay calm, even when the other person pushes back.
Your next steps
- Note what burdens you most and with whom you want to talk about it.
- Have a calm conversation with your sibling, without judgement and with clear boundaries.
- Find a counselling service for yourself if the situation weighs on you for a longer period.
An overview of all offers is on the page Help and counselling.
Frequently asked questions
Are siblings also affected by a brother's or sister's addiction?
Yes. The DHS also describes close people such as relatives as co-affected. DigiSucht explicitly names siblings among those who can be heavily burdened. Your worries are therefore justified, and you are allowed to seek support.
How do I talk to my sibling about cannabis use?
Speak calmly and without reproach. Describe what you notice and how it affects you. Ask how the other person sees the situation. The decision to change lies with them. Set your own boundaries.
Where can I get counselling as a sibling?
Addiction counselling services also advise relatives and co-affected people. The DHS mentions counselling by phone, online and in person. The offer involves no obligation. DigiSucht also offers information for relatives.