How can grandparents help when grandchildren use cannabis?
When a grandchild uses cannabis, grandparents are often caught in the middle. They worry, want to help and do not always know where their role ends. The Deutsche Hauptstelle für Suchtfragen (DHS) explicitly counts grandparents among the relatives and co-affected people of someone with an addiction. Their strain is therefore a subject in its own right, and it deserves to be taken seriously.
Why grandparents have a role of their own
Grandparents often stand between child and grandchild. They experience the situation from a different perspective than the parents do. Some see more of the grandchild's everyday life, others have a closer connection to the parents. The role therefore need not be fixed; it can be agreed on together.
The DHS describes that relatives and co-affected people find it difficult at first to look after their own wellbeing. Yet that is precisely what makes it possible to help at all. Make sure that you do not carry more than you are able to carry.
What grandparents can concretely do
Grandparents can be a calm and attentive point of contact. When the grandchild seeks conversation, attentive listening helps more than reproaches. You do not need to judge the use in order to offer a sympathetic ear. You can also ask how they are doing, and notice whether anything changes.
- Listen without judging immediately or demanding solutions.
- Stay in contact, even when the relationship is strained.
- Agree with the parents who says what and which rules apply.
- Watch for warning signs such as withdrawal, falling performance or strong mood swings.
The article How do I talk to my child about cannabis? contains many thoughts that can also be applied to a conversation with a grandchild.
Coordinating with the parents
The parents carry responsibility for their child. Grandparents should therefore not act behind the parents' backs. If you notice something, speak to the parents first. Together it is easier to judge whether help is needed. A calm agreement is the better starting point here than an argument.
If the parents do not want help, respect that for now. You can still seek counselling for yourself as a relative, even without the parents' consent. The article Why do relatives need counselling of their own? explains why that is worthwhile.
When grandparents should seek help
If you are worried about your grandchild's life or health, act immediately. In the case of suicidal thoughts, severe confusion or signs of an acute crisis, call the emergency number. Even if you are unsure whether use is already a problem, you can ask an addiction counselling service.
An addiction counselling service can also support parents and grandparents in planning the next step. The article Where can relatives get counselling about cannabis use? lists the points of contact.
Keeping your own boundaries
Grandparents are often older and have health issues of their own. That is a reason to set boundaries. You do not have to give money if that overwhelms you. You may cancel appointments if you notice the situation is too much for you. The DHS advises relatives to keep their own wellbeing in view first, because that is the condition for helping properly.
Prevention in the family
Grandparents can make calm conversations possible as a familiar person. Factual information is a good basis for this. According to BIÖG, the risks of cannabis for young people are particularly high, because THC disrupts maturation processes in the brain. Frequent cannabis use also impairs concentration, which can lead to problems at school and in training. The article Does cannabis harm the developing brain? summarises the current state of knowledge.
Questions for a counselling conversation
- How can I approach my grandchild without them withdrawing?
- How do I coordinate with the parents without getting caught between the sides?
- What can I do myself so that I can bear the situation?
- When should I get help from outside?
A counselling service can discuss these questions with you calmly. According to the DHS, the offer involves no obligation: relatives decide for themselves which help they use and at what pace. The DHS also states that conversations are strictly confidential. Even one question can be a sensible first step. You will find a counselling service near you in the DHS Suchthilfeverzeichnis (addiction help directory).
Your next steps
- Talk to the parents before you act yourself.
- Offer your grandchild an open conversation, without reproaches.
- Find a counselling service for yourself if the situation weighs on you.
An overview of all offers is on the page Help and counselling.
Frequently asked questions
How can grandparents help when their grandchild uses cannabis?
Grandparents can listen, keep in touch and watch for warning signs. They should coordinate with the parents before acting. The parents and the grandchild make the decisions about help. For their own questions, there are addiction counselling services that also advise relatives.
Do grandparents count as relatives in addiction counselling?
Yes. The DHS explicitly names grandparents among the relatives and co-affected people. Addiction counselling services also advise relatives, by phone, online or in person.
May I act as a grandparent without agreeing with the parents first?
It is better to speak to the parents first. They carry responsibility for their child, and together it is easier to judge whether help is needed. In an acute danger, for example with suicidal thoughts, call the emergency number straight away, regardless of any agreement.