How can I support a relative in finding counselling?
When a relative needs help, the first step is often the hardest. Many people do not know whom to turn to, or they feel ashamed to seek support at all. You can be a great help here without taking responsibility for their decision. This guide shows how to support the search, where to set boundaries and how to keep motivation going.
What helps with the first search?
Searching for a counselling service is a hurdle for many people. You can make it smaller by preparing concrete steps. Pick out two or three services nearby and note their contact details. The DHS addiction help directory shows services within your radius. Online, DigiSucht offers free and anonymous counselling for affected adults, relatives and parents, according to the Federal Drug Commissioner. By phone, the Sucht & Drogen Hotline can be reached on 01806 313031. It is aimed at people with addiction problems and at relatives, and calls are charged.
Ask your relative whether they want to do the search together, or whether they only need your help with part of it. Some people want to find out anonymously at first, while others want an appointment straight away. Both are fine.
How do you help with the appointment?
An appointment takes courage. You can help by making the call with them, accompanying them or explaining the process. A reminder the day before also takes the tension out of it. What matters is that your relative decides for themselves what they say.
- Look for a service together and check its availability and consultation hours on its website.
- Arrange the appointment, preferably by phone or via the online form.
- Explain how the first conversation works, so nothing comes as a surprise.
- Clarify whether you may come along or whether you will wait outside.
- Afterwards, talk about how it went, without judging the content.
The article on preparing for the first counselling conversation helps you approach the preparation in a structured way.
How long does it take until an appointment is free?
Waiting times vary by region and service, and there is no general figure. Ask the service directly about the current situation and whether it has an open consultation hour. DigiSucht allows written contact without a waiting time. According to the platform, a reply usually comes within a few working days. Appointments for chat or video depend on when the counsellors are available.
If the waiting time is long, it is worth asking a second service. A relative does not have to wait until the first service has an appointment free. The article on waiting times in addiction counselling explains the processes in more detail.
How do you keep motivation going without building up pressure?
Pressure often creates resistance. It helps to name your own worries in the first person and to leave the decision to your relative. For example, say: “I am worried about you. I would like you to talk to someone.”
- Name factual worries without making accusations
- Celebrate small steps, such as the first phone call
- Keep realistic expectations, because change takes time
- Do not set ultimatums that you are not prepared to keep
Motivation often develops over time. If your relative says no once, the matter is not closed. Stay friendly, and keep the door open.
What boundaries do you need yourself?
You can accompany someone. Their life, however, remains their own. Pay attention to your own strength and your own needs. If you notice that you are constantly caring, controlling or pushing, that is a warning sign for you.
Counselling of your own can help you clarify your role. According to the platform, relatives can get anonymous and free advice on DigiSucht. Parents of minors can find information from the BIÖG at cannabispraevention.de. The article on counselling of your own for relatives explains why this matters.
When is compulsion an option?
Compulsion into counselling is tightly limited, both legally and in practice. DigiSucht explains for relatives that the will to change must come from the affected person themselves. This guide cannot assess how the legal position looks in an individual case. In an acute danger, call the emergency number 112.
The article on compulsion into counselling explains the basic principles in more detail.
Which hurdles often hold relatives back?
Many people hesitate because they fear being judged or do not know what happens in the conversation. Others believe their problem is not serious enough for counselling. These thoughts are understandable, but they keep many people from taking the first step.
- Fear of being judged or exposed
- Uncertainty about what happens in counselling
- The feeling of not taking the problem seriously enough
- Lack of time because of work, family or school
Name these hurdles openly. Often it is enough to look at them together to make them smaller. An evening appointment or an online conversation can solve the question of time.
How do you accompany the first appointment without controlling it?
Accompanying means being there, and the decision stays with your relative. You can walk to the service with them, wait in the waiting area or stand by on the phone. What matters is that your relative speaks for themselves and decides what they tell.
Avoid asking afterwards what exactly was said. Ask how it felt for them. This leaves room for conversation without creating pressure.
What if your relative cancels the appointment?
A cancellation is often a sign of fear, and it often has nothing to do with a lack of interest. Stay calm and ask for a new appointment without reproaches. You can also suggest first just calling or sending an online enquiry. Small steps lower the hurdle.
If you notice that you are disappointed yourself, talk to a counselling service about your feelings. That way your own strength is preserved.
What you can do now
Talk with your relative about their wishes in a quiet moment. Look for a service together and arrange a first appointment if they want one. If you notice that you need support yourself, consider counselling of your own. Suitable services can be found on the topic page Help and counselling. For counselling without a goal of stopping use, the article Counselling without a goal to stop using is worth reading.
Frequently asked questions
How can I encourage a relative to go to counselling?
You cannot decide whether they accept counselling. You can, however, help in concrete ways: finding services, arranging appointments and supporting them through the first hurdle. Express your worries in the first person and do not put pressure on them. The decision stays with them.
Does my relative have to come along to the conversation?
No. According to the platform, relatives can get anonymous and free advice from DigiSucht on their own. For the first conversation, you can also make contact alone or accompany your relative. Ask the service beforehand what options it offers.