Can I force someone into counselling?

Relatives often ask whether they can force someone into counselling. The short answer is: in everyday life you can offer help, but you cannot force it. DigiSucht explains to relatives that the will to change must come from the affected person themselves. This guide explains what you can still do as a relative and where you need professional advice on individual legal questions.

Why help remains a personal decision

According to DigiSucht, the will to change lies with the affected person. Relatives cannot replace that will. This is a limit of what you can do, and it says nothing about how much you care.

A counselling service can offer conversations, provide information and show ways forward. Whether someone accepts the offer is for the person to decide. How the legal position looks in a particular case, for example in the event of a court decision, this guide cannot assess.

What you can still do as a relative

Even though you cannot force anyone to attend an appointment, you have influence over what you do yourself. The following steps give the situation structure without creating pressure.

• Talk concretely about what you observe, for example: “I am worried because you have been tired more often lately.” Accusations and generalisations such as “You are always high” usually achieve the opposite.
• Offer counselling as an option. Name a specific service and ask whether you should call together.
• Set your own boundaries, for example no more money for use and no taking over tasks that the affected person should actually handle themselves.
• Keep the offer open. An invitation that still stands after weeks can achieve more than an ultimatum.
• Look after yourself. Relatives who look after themselves can support for longer.

On cannabispraevention.de, the BIÖG advises parents to reflect on their own attitude to cannabis before a conversation and to stay calm during arguments. This attitude also helps partners and siblings.

Setting boundaries without losing contact

Boundaries serve to protect you. They must not be used as pressure, and they make clear what you can carry and what you cannot. One boundary could be that you no longer watch someone use, or that you do not tolerate use in your flat. What matters is that you name your boundaries and keep to them. If you cannot keep a boundary, discuss this with a specialist before you state it again.

DigiSucht names as central points for relatives: setting boundaries, looking after their own wellbeing and not carrying the blame for another person's addiction. That sounds simple but is hard in everyday life. On the DigiSucht platform, relatives can get anonymous and free advice, according to the platform.

When children or minors are affected

With minors, the question of compulsion often adds further uncertainty. This guide does not assess which rights and duties parents have in an individual case, or what courts or authorities can order. Counselling services, youth welfare offices or a specialist solicitor for family law can clarify that.

Parents can also get advice from the Elterntelefon (parents' helpline) of the Nummer gegen Kummer: 0800 111 0 550. The guide Does the youth welfare office help with cannabis use among young people? explains how to find the responsible office locally.

When you should not wait

In everyday life there is no lever for forcing counselling. There are situations, however, in which you must not wait. If the affected person is violent, is endangering themselves or shows signs of acute poisoning, call the emergency number 112 immediately. Mindzone recommends that in a drug emergency, if in doubt, you always call an emergency doctor straight away and stay with the person. The guide When should parents get help immediately? sets out the warning signs in detail.

How to make an offer

An offer sounds different from a demand. You could say: “I would like to call the counselling service with you. You do not have to decide straight away.” Sentences like this leave the affected person room and still show that the matter is important to you. Repeat the offer when the moment is right, and do not make promises you cannot keep.

It also helps to separate your worry from your expectation. “I am worried” is a statement about you. “You have to do something now” is an expectation of the other person. The first form is less of an attack.

When the pressure builds

Sometimes pressure builds up at home because relatives can no longer bear it. Then a pause is worthwhile. Leave the room if you notice that you are getting loud. Later, talk with a specialist about what happened and how you could react differently next time. Counselling for relatives is there for exactly this.

It becomes dangerous when threats of violence are in the air or when the affected person could harm themselves. In such cases, call the emergency number 112 and do not rely on the situation calming down by itself.

What you can do now

1. Consider which boundary you want to set, and phrase it in one sentence.
2. Find an addiction counselling service and offer to call together.
3. Get support for yourself, for example through counselling for relatives.
4. Have legal questions about compulsion clarified by a specialist before you act.
5. In an acute danger, call the emergency number 112 immediately.

An overview of counselling services near you is given in the guide Where can I find an addiction counselling service for cannabis?