What does irritability or withdrawal in a child mean?

When a child becomes irritable, withdrawn or suddenly quiet, many parents first think of cannabis. Irritability and withdrawal can, however, have many causes: puberty, stress at school, lovesickness, arguments in the circle of friends or psychological strain. A single behaviour therefore proves nothing. What is revealing is when the mood changes over weeks, comes together with other warning signs, and the child was different before. Cannabis can be one of the causes. In that case, a closer look is worthwhile.

When mood changes belong to puberty

Puberty brings mood swings. Teenagers seek more distance from their parents, spend more time with friends and react sensitively to criticism. This is not a warning sign in itself. It becomes harder when the change is unusually strong, lasts longer or alters everyday life. Then the child loses interests that were once important to them, withdraws to their room and avoids shared meals or arrangements.

It helps to describe the change precisely before you interpret it. Write down since when something has been different, how often the irritability occurs and in which situations. These notes help you in the conversation and also when you call a counselling service.

Which signs you can observe

None of these signs on its own proves use. Only accumulation and duration give a clue:

• Irritability or quick anger that was not typical before
• Withdrawal from hobbies, sport or friendship groups that were previously important
• Mood and emotional swings
• Declining performance at school or in training
• Excuses or lies when it comes to whereabouts and evenings
• A new circle of friends that the child does not want to talk about

One particular point concerns withdrawal symptoms. Anyone who uses regularly and then stops can develop sleep problems and vivid dreams. According to drugcom's frequently asked questions, withdrawal symptoms usually appear 24 to 48 hours after the last use and generally last up to a week, at most 14 days. Another drugcom article mentions three to four weeks until they have largely subsided. Their intensity varies greatly from person to person. If a child sleeps noticeably worse and is irritable after a period of use, this is a pattern you should take seriously without immediately treating it as proof.

What cannabis can change in a young mind

Teenagers' brains are still developing. The federal prevention programme puts it this way: “The young brain is in an important developmental phase.” THC can disrupt this development. Concentration is also affected. Frequent cannabis use disrupts it, and this can lead to problems at school and in training. In the worst case, a school or vocational qualification is at risk because memory works less well.

A study with 88 participants aged 16 to 25, reported on by drugcom, found that the ability to remember things improved as early as the week after the last use. It is unclear, however, how lasting such changes are. That is no reason for an all-clear.

The age at which use starts also matters. According to drugcom, starting use early leads to lasting impairments of cognitive performance. If your child already uses regularly, it is worth seeking counselling early.

Anxiety and panic feelings are also among the short-term risks named by prevention. With psychoses, the situation should be described cautiously. The BIÖG page states: “People who smoke cannabis develop psychosis more often than people who do not.” The link is statistical. Causation is therefore not proven, and personal predisposition plays a role: with an inborn tendency, even small amounts may be enough. For parents, this means that if mental illness occurs in the family or the child seems strongly confused, they should receive medical treatment without delay.

How to start the conversation

The recommendations for parents rely on calm, interest and listening. Anyone who stays calm is more likely to get an honest answer. Before you have the conversation, it is worth reflecting on your own attitude. Consider what you want from the conversation and what is currently weighing on you.

In concrete terms: ask questions and do not judge too quickly. Avoid moral lectures and do not pass sweeping judgements about cannabis or the circle of friends. Show interest in your child's world, in music, sport, friendships and plans. State clearly what your attitude to cannabis is and which rules apply at home. Agreeing on goals together and writing them down can help when it comes to school or going out. A rule that both sides know is easier to keep than one that was only stated in an argument.

What to avoid

Many conversations go wrong because one parent resorts to punishment or control too quickly. The child then falls silent or lies to avoid trouble. Dramatic comparisons rarely help either. Anyone who makes a drama out of cannabis every evening loses credibility when the child later experiences a small matter differently. Stay factual, name concretely what worries you, and leave the door open: that is the attitude that holds up in everyday life.

When parents should seek help

You do not have to clarify the suspicion alone. The Elterntelefon of Nummer gegen Kummer can be reached on 0800 111 0 550. The Sucht & Drogen Hotline can be reached on 01806 313031. The parent phone line is anonymous and free of charge, and it also answers individual questions. The Sucht & Drogen Hotline is available around the clock and is charged. Your notes will make the telephone conversation easier.

In addition, a visit to the child and adolescent doctor or the family doctor is worthwhile if sleep disorders, strong mood swings or physical complaints persist. An overview of suitable services is available in the prevention link collection and in the DHS directory of addiction help.

What you can do now

• Note changes with date, duration and situation.
• Choose a calm moment for the conversation, ideally one well away from an argument.
• Ask about everyday life and friendships first, before you ask about cannabis.
• Agree on clear rules for going out, school and home, and write them down.
• Stay reachable, even if a conversation was difficult.
• Get counselling if you cannot make progress on your own.

Irritability and withdrawal are rarely just a problem with cannabis. They show that your child currently needs support. An open conversation, clear rules and early access to counselling are the means parents really have in their hands. How to start the conversation is explained in How do parents raise the topic of cannabis properly? Which signs are typical in everyday life is shown in How can parents tell that their child is using cannabis?

Further guidance for parents who already have a suspicion is available under Where can parents get advice on cannabis? The health risks for young people are summarised in Does cannabis harm the young brain? General information on prevention is offered by the prevention and youth protection topic area.