Does a shared approach also apply to separated parents?
Even when parents live apart, both usually continue to care for the child. A shared line on cannabis helps the child, because it does not have to choose between two sets of rules. This is hard at times, yet it can be planned. This article shows what a shared approach can look like and where help can start.
Why a shared line matters
Children often test boundaries, and this is easier for them when adults think differently. The same core rules give stability, even if not everything is identical in detail. This applies to use, to the circle of friends and to going out alike.
It becomes difficult when one parent plays cannabis down and the other dramatises it. The child then hears two messages and often chooses the more convenient one. A coordinated language helps, because it creates clarity.
Agreeing the core rules together
- Rule out use in the presence of children and young people under 18.
- Decide how both parents react if an incident occurs.
- Agree who speaks to the child about which topic.
- Agree how information is passed between the households.
- Plan a fixed appointment for conversations about the topic.
Knowing the legal limits
The law sets a framework that both parents should know. From the age of 18, possession within a limit of 25 grams is permitted (section 3 KCanG). Consumption in the immediate presence of under-18s is prohibited (section 5 KCanG). Handing cannabis to children or young people is a criminal offence (section 34(1) no. 7 KCanG). For a person over 21, a particularly serious case is generally present, with a prison sentence of three months to five years (section 34(3) KCanG).
These rules apply equally to both parents. Anyone who knows them can refer to them objectively in a dispute, without exchanging accusations.
When conversations are difficult
Separated parents often speak with each other mainly at handovers. That moment is unsuitable for the topic of cannabis. Plan conversations about it outside the handovers, in writing or at a quiet time. Record agreements so that misunderstandings do not arise again.
If tension is too high, a neutral third party can help. A family counselling service or an addiction counselling service moderates the conversation and brings both sides back to the child.
Prevention as a shared task
It helps the child if both parents remain approachable, including on the subject of addiction. The BIÖG points out that the risks of cannabis are particularly high for young people. Warning signs should be discussed together, so that both households know what to watch for. Anyone who keeps in contact with the child notices changes earlier. This includes telling the child that it may turn to either parent.
Not using the child as a messenger
Separated parents should clear up information about cannabis directly between themselves. The child should not serve as a messenger, for example to pass on news about use. That burdens the child and makes conflicts bigger. If information is necessary, the parents speak with each other, in writing or at an agreed appointment.
A clear separation of topics also helps in everyday life. Handovers serve organisation, and conversations about use need their own framework. This separation gives both sides peace.
When one parent plays it down
Sometimes one parent regards cannabis as harmless while the other is worried. This difference is hard for the child to process. It helps to look at the facts together. The article on dealing between playing down and dramatising offers orientation.
If both sides cannot agree, neutral counselling makes sense. The aim is a line for the child that both sides can support.
Discussing shared warning signs
- Note the warning signs that both households watch for.
- Agree how to inform each other.
- Keep in contact with school and the circle of friends together.
- If worried, seek a conversation promptly, without waiting several weeks.
In this way every household knows what it needs to watch for, and the child experiences unity.
Where you can turn
You can reach the Elterntelefon of Nummer gegen Kummer on 0800 111 0 550. The Sucht & Drogen Hotline can be reached on 01806 313031. A specialist lawyer for family law can clarify legal questions about how to deal with the child. Courts decide each case individually, and a specialist lawyer can put this into context.
How a shared line can look in the family is shown in the article on a uniform stance of the parents. The family rules that prove themselves in everyday life are also helpful. For the role of the ban on consumption, see the article on the ban on consumption in the presence of minors.
Frequently asked questions
Do separated parents have to agree on cannabis?
A shared line helps the child, because it does not have to choose between two rules. The legal limits apply equally to both parents, for example the ban on consumption in the presence of under-18s. For difficult conversations, a counselling service or the Elterntelefon on 0800 111 0 550 can help.