How do I cope with fear when my child uses cannabis?

When parents learn that their child uses cannabis, fear often follows. They ask whether the use is harmful, whether it leads to addiction and whether they did something wrong. This fear is understandable, and it says a great deal about your love for your child. It becomes a problem only when it dominates everyday life, prevents conversations or leads to control. This guide shows how you can deal with the fear, which facts give you orientation and where you can find support.

Why fear around cannabis is so strong

Many parents know cannabis from their own youth, often as a harmless recreational drug. At the same time, they hear about psychosis, dependence and problems at school. These contradictions create uncertainty. Reliable information helps more than headlines or individual stories.

Anyone who knows the effects and risks can better judge what is to be feared. Not all use is the same: according to cannabispraevention.de, the harm depends on age and on how often someone uses.

Which risks are well documented

The federal website cannabispraevention.de describes young people as particularly at risk when they use cannabis. The young brain is in an important stage of development, and use can influence that development. According to drugcom, memory problems and difficulty concentrating can have an unfavourable effect on performance at school, in study and at work.

cannabispraevention.de also describes a link between cannabis and psychosis: people who use cannabis develop psychosis more often than people who do not. This is a statistical link. Roughly one in eight people who use cannabis becomes dependent. The drug counselling service drugcom describes how a psychological dependence can develop with ongoing use. According to this source, an early start to use has lasting effects on cognitive performance.

These statements describe risks, but they say nothing about how strongly your child is affected. That requires an assessment by a specialist.

Turning fear into concrete questions

Fear is often vague. It helps to turn it into concrete questions. Write down three questions that concern you. For example: How often does my child use? Has anything changed at school, with friendships or in sleep? Are there signs that more is needed to achieve the same effect? With these questions, you go into a conversation and do not lose yourself in worries.

• Observe changes over time. A single moment says little.
• Write down what you see and what you suspect. The two are not the same.
• Think about which outcome you would like, for example an honest exchange.

Having a calm conversation

Fear often comes across in conversation. Parents then speak faster, louder or in a threatening way. The child withdraws. Before you seek the conversation, sort out your own attitude. The website cannabispraevention.de recommends that parents reflect on their own attitude to cannabis before starting a conversation. There are also arguments for why cannabis is particularly risky for young people, in case your child regards it as harmless.

Start with an open question and listen. Say what you observe and what you wish for. Avoid sentences such as “You're going to crash”, because they increase fear and rarely help. A conversation does not have to be resolved in one evening. A second or third appointment is often more productive.

Do not forget your own relief

So look after yourself too. This includes talking with someone you trust, having a fixed balance in everyday life and not carrying all the responsibility alone. According to the platform, the online counselling service DigiSucht offers parents free counselling, anonymous on request. You can reach the Elterntelefon (parents' helpline) of Nummer gegen Kummer on 0800 111 0 550. Opening times and costs are listed at nummergegenkummer.de.

Coping with fear means shaping it so that it does not drive your actions. The aim is to stop it from taking over. Counselling can help you recognise the boundary between care and control. More on this is in the guide Am I to blame as a parent for my child's cannabis use?

When fear becomes an emergency

Fear alone does not make it an emergency. The situation changes if your child is unconscious, has a seizure, injures themselves or appears to be in an acute psychosis. Then call the emergency number 112 immediately. The guide When should parents get help straight away? sets out the warning signs in detail. Even with longer-lasting changes, such as marked withdrawal, seek help early.

Prevention in family life

Parents can prevent problems early by talking openly about cannabis before a problem arises. That is prevention. It includes information about risks, clear agreements at home and an environment in which children can come to you with worries. Parents who stay factual make it more likely that their child will be honest even when problems arise.

cannabispraevention.de has its own pages for parents. A look there can turn fear into knowledge.

When your fear needs support

Worry is part of being a parent. It becomes a problem when fear persistently dominates your sleep, your work or your relationships. Then a conversation with a specialist who can look at you and your family together is worthwhile. This also applies if you feel guilty or are withdrawing. Your own stability is part of the solution.

Many parents only realise in a conversation how much the worry has taken from them. Admitting this lets you act more purposefully. Also watch for physical signals such as a racing heart, sleep disturbance or tension. They show that the strain should be taken seriously.

Looking for reliable information

If you inform yourself about cannabis, look for sources with a clear origin. The websites cannabispraevention.de and drugcom.de offer information that is presented in a form parents can understand. Rumours from the circle of friends do not replace these sources.

What you can do now

1. Write down your three most important questions and separate observations from suspicions.
2. Find out about the risks for young people on cannabispraevention.de.
3. Have a calm conversation and plan a second appointment.
4. Use a counselling offer for parents, such as online counselling or the parents' helpline.
5. In acute danger, call the emergency number 112.

An overview of conversations with children is in the guide How do I talk to my child about cannabis?