What should you do if your child uses cannabis?

When you find out that your child uses cannabis, it is hard to stay calm. Many parents react first with fear, anger or disappointment. That is understandable. Still, it helps to first step back, clarify the situation and then seek a conversation. This guide sets out the first steps, common mistakes and the services that can support you.

Why calm and clarity come first

A spontaneous reaction in the heat of the moment can strain the conversation. Take some time before you raise the subject.

In this time, it is worth gathering the facts. What have you seen or heard? How often does it happen? Are there other changes, for example at school, in sleep or in the circle of friends? Note these down factually, without judging.

What does the law say about minors?

The Cannabis Act (KCanG) only allows possession from the age of 18. People who have reached the age of 18 may possess a maximum of 25 grams (section 3(1) KCanG). Possession is therefore not permitted for minors. Rules on consumption near minors are also set out in law (section 5 KCanG).

Passing cannabis on is especially important. Anyone who gives or passes cannabis on to children or young people commits a criminal offense. If the person passing it on is over 21, the law treats this as a particularly serious case, with imprisonment of three months to five years (section 34 KCanG). As a parent, the aim is to protect your child.

Which risks should you know about?

According to the BIÖG, the risks of cannabis are especially high for young people, because THC disrupts the maturing processes of the brain. Frequent use disrupts concentration, which can lead to problems at school and in training. According to the BIÖG, people who use cannabis also develop psychosis more often than people who do not. However, this statistical link does not prove that cannabis causes psychosis.

These facts are a guide for the conversation. If you know them, you can explain to your child specifically what worries you.

How do you start the conversation?

A good conversation needs a calm moment and enough time. Avoid the moment when you are angry. Start with what you have observed and what worries you. Avoid opening with an accusation.

1. Choose a calm moment with no time pressure.
2. Describe what you have observed without drawing conclusions.
3. Say what worries you, and ask how your child is doing.
4. Listen and allow pauses.
5. Agree on a next step, such as a second conversation.

The article Talking with your child about cannabis shows wording that works well.

What should you avoid?

Some reactions can make the conversation harder. These include checks without agreement, threats you do not intend to carry out, and comparisons with siblings or friends. Blaming your child or yourself does little good either.

• Making threats you cannot carry out
• Exposing your child in front of others
• Comparing your child with other children
• Relying on control alone

When should you get help straight away?

If your child talks about suicidal thoughts, harms themselves, appears seriously confused or describes delusions, act immediately. In acute cases, call the emergency number. Do not wait either if there is a sharp drop in performance, marked withdrawal or violence at home. Involve a specialist service.

For less acute worries, a counseling service can help you make sense of the situation. Youth counseling knows the typical questions and can also support you as a parent.

What help is available to you?

You do not have to find the way on your own. Addiction counseling services advise parents, youth counseling services support families, and online services help with the first step. The BIÖG also provides information specifically for parents. You can reach the parents' phone line of Nummer gegen Kummer at 0800 111 0 550. Times and costs are listed at nummergegenkummer.de.

A detailed overview of the contact points is in the article Counseling for parents.

What role does school play?

School is often the first place where changes become noticeable. Teachers notice drops in performance, absences or tiredness in class. If you are in contact with the school, this can be an advantage, because you can coordinate the approach together.

Note, however, that information from school is sensitive. Speak with your child first before involving the school, unless there is an acute danger. School social work can also be a point of contact if your child is willing to open up there.

How can you stay able to act as a parent?

In this situation, parents can easily slip into a lasting state of worry and control. That is exhausting. For this reason, plan fixed times for yourself in which you think about something else. Exchanging experiences with other parents can also provide relief.

Make sure your child does not become the only focus of your life. A stable relationship with your child and shared routines give your child support, even when things are difficult.

What do you do if little changes?

Sometimes it takes time before a conversation has an effect. Stay in contact and agree on small, checkable steps, such as an appointment at a counseling service or a shared activity. If nothing changes over several weeks, specialist counseling for the family is the next step.

Write down the steps you have taken. This helps you keep an overview and avoid overwhelming yourself.

What you can do now

Take the time to gather the facts, and then plan a calm conversation. Prepare your questions and, if needed, speak with a counseling service. If you know how to recognize warning signs, you will feel more confident. The article Warning signs in young people helps you with this. An overview is gathered on the topic page Help and counseling.